Here it is October again. That, as you may know, is the month before November.

Some of you may remember that I have spent other Novembers unsuccessfully participating (if you can call it that) in that annual global exercise in literary insanity called National Novel Writing Month. (aka NaNoWriMo) You might even remember the exact number of failures I enjoyed. No? Okay, four of them. I started four novels and never finished them. A couple of them got to 20,000 words, the others, I don't even remember but not that many by a far stretch. After the fourth failure I swore off the event. What was the point? I asked myself, and had no answer, so I quit. No more.

Obviously, I've succumbed again else I wouldn't be writing this, would I. * Sigh * What IS the compulsion? I do not understand. They got me this time with their Camp NaNoWriMo theme. This, it turns out (I think), is not this November's theme. It appears (I haven't bothered to do any serious research into the question) they had some kind of practice session/s in July and/or August? And called it Camp NaNoWriMo. But when I found the event's themed products, something snapped in my brain and I went nuts. Volumes of memories of my childhood summer camp came gushing forth. Things I hadn't thought about for fifty years came rocketing out of my deep memory banks and showered me with nostalgia. Hooked? Ha! Before I knew it, I'd bought the tee shirt AND the “care package” and was eyeball-deep in my journal writing down those memories.

So, ahem. This is a 100% self-inflicted misery. I tell my closest friends, poor creatures, and I announce it here, but there's nothing stopping me from changing my mind at any moment. Let's be clear: at this time I have zero ideas for a novel, and only a few very vague notions about characters. I'm hoping I can beef that up a bit before Nov. 1, you betcha.

I dug out the materials I purchased in years past; the book No Plot? No Problem! And the No Plot? No Problem! Novel-Writing Kit (I'm a sucker for kits, you may have noticed. I also rediscovered the little package of achievement badge patches I bought one of those years, with delight.)

I think for me, it's trying to find the fun in writing again. A lot of life stuff got in my way a few years back, and I just haven't felt the urge to write fiction. But I did enjoy it so, and I sold quite a few short stories to small-press and online markets, so someone else liked my writing a bit, too...at one time, when I was busy writing story after story, it seemed like the ideas would never run dry. No way could I ever write them all. Funny how life stuff can make that all go away in the blink of an eye.

OK, so here's the announcement, ta da. I'm going for the brass ring: a 50,000 word novel in 30 days; between November 1 and November 30, 2011. When they make them available, I'll install a word-count meter here. I'll also try to post little reports, musing, whatever, here, daily but I'm not promising that.

Part of me is going, “Oh crap, here we go again,” and another part is going, “Oh goody goody goody! We're doing NaNo again!”

In French, there's a term “faux ami” which means “false friend,” and it refers to French words that are so close to English words that we can mistake them for meaning the same thing – but they don't. One example, “librarie”: guess what it means in French. Nope – not library, but bookstore. The French word for library is “bibliotheque.”

Other things than words can be faux amies. Well, friends can be false friends, of course. But a host of other things can fool us as well.

The one I'm talking about today is one of my own making. Only very recently has it dawned on me just what a false friend it is. It feels like a wonderful, comforting friend, where I can snuggle down, relax, read, knit, eat, surf the Net, talk on the phone...

I'm talking about my “Nest.”



It's a big old leather recliner (it's too big for me to use the recliner so I shoved the hassock from the other chair in front of it) plus one or, often, two, TV trays parked adjacent to hold plates, or my ever-growing pile of books to be read, or today's mail. It's so big that I've had to stuff a rolled-up wool poncho and a king-size pillow at the back of the seat, and jam the two bolsters from the couch along either side, to make it comfortable.

It's also the oak side table with the reading lamp on it. As well as whatever other useful stuff/debris I allow to build up until I have to clean and reorganize it so everything doesn't keep sliding off onto the floor or into the wastebasket.

I have spent many hours in my Nest. Times too numerous to count, I've thought, "I should get up and do something," but it's so comfy, I let the thought slide on through, I wriggle down deeper into its comfort, and stay put. I love my Nest.

My Nest wants me to die.

Recent bloodwork, and a visit to the doctor, and the evidence of my bathroom scales and the condition and signals of my body, have revealed its evil purpose. Oh, nothing frightful – yet. This is the first time I've had blood sugar above the normal range...the second time my cholesterol has been above the normal range...and my BMI is Obese.

I got to thinking about my Nest, and it occurred to me that everybody I've ever known who had the tragically familiar constellation of health problems: obesity, diabetes, congestive heart failure – all of them had their Nests. Which came first? Probably varies amongst people. But I know for certain that until I had spent a few years developing and inhabiting my Nest, I had perfectly normal blood sugars, perfectly normal cholesterol levels. Since I quit smoking in 2009, I've gained some 40 pounds. That wasn't all the quitting, I'm sure. But some of it was, and some of it was The Nest.

This all occurred to me two days ago. I decided then to go home and take a photo of my Nest, write this post, and blog about it, as part of my holistic approach to changing my eating and fitness habits. But when I got home, and thought about picking up the camera and taking that picture, I felt active resistance to the idea. I didn't want to. I just wanted to get dinner, bring it out to the TV tray, open up the Internet, and bliss out. So that's what I did.

See what it did there? The Nest is evil. I shouldn't call it The Nest. I should call it The Death Trap. 'Cause that's what it is. (Sometimes my holistic approaches to changing bad habits have to back up a few miles and take care of seemingly innocuous little bits of mental debris before I can get to the big stuff.)

So at least, last night, I took the pictures. And now I'm posting this. I have 92 pounds I want to lose before the next Bastille Day (July 14th). That's less than 2 pounds per week. That's do-able; in 1994 I lost 55 pounds in 4 months, so I know it's do-able. I expect all kinds of health and mental wellness benefits to kick in way before that last pound drops off. I'm going to list them in my journal and maybe do some dumb things like put one good benefit on each of a bunch of index cards, and leave them all over the house (especially in the kitchen), to remind me that The Death Trap Is Not The Nest. It is NOT my friend. It wants me to die.

The battle is on.

One of my favorite "Paris" blogs is David Lebovitz's Living the Sweet Life in Paris. He's an American chef/baker/I'm not sure what-all, and his blog is 50 kinds of fun. He features recipes often, of course, and cafes and restaurants and just living in Paris yarns. He also plugs cook books he finds excellent, and I was so impressed with his writing about Serve Yourself: Nightly Adventures in Cooking for One by Joe Yonan, that I immediately ordered it online. And it's every bit as cool as David said it was.

Tonight I tried my first recipe out of it: I made the Sweet Potato Soup Base and after portioning it out into four containers to save some for another night, I sauteed a four ounce chunk of salmon, broke it up and dropped the pieces on top of a bowl of the soup, added a slice of lemon and a few extra leek shavings, and then - amazing! - I remembered to take a picture!



I was uncertain how good this might or might not be. The idea of the combination of sweet potato soup and salmon wasn't a 100% sale for me, but I figured, if I want to be adventurous, this is how you do it.

Happily, I was pleasantly surprised - it was really good!

So I thought I'd better report it here.

This cookbook has many great recipes and I can't wait to try more of them. It includes over 100 recipes for both weeknight staples and weekend projects. Says so right on the cover.

The landscaping crew came out Thursday and planted 5 Bridal Wreath plants in the empty space out front, and one of them in the middle of the "bird bath" flower bed triangle out back. It would look a lot better if I'd plant some colorful annuals in both places. And scatter some grass seed to fill in the numerous small bare spots in the front (it gets about 100% shade all day long, plus there were two old blue spruces here until about 1995 so there are undoubtedly still anti-competitor chemicals lingering, plus there is the maple tree in the middle of the yard also pumping out anti-competitor chemicals so it's no wonder the grass struggles...but it is definitely doing better than most of last year.) I have already used more energy writing this than I have in actually *working* out there so I'll shut up now since I don't have any intentions of actually working out there.

Really life is almost uniformly uneventful these days, which at my age is just what I like. I go to work, I come home. I putz around the house as needed, outside I water the hanging baskets and the transplanted plants and the new plants, I come back in and read and watch Netflix (I don't miss TV at *all* - anything I want to see, I can wait awhile and see it on Netflix.) I go to bed early and start the routine over in the morning. I'm loving all the reading I get to do.

I'm content - but that's boring to read in a blog so I'll sign off now.

Just what the title says. I was VERY fortunate with my arm; I've got full function back and no pain (just a little stiff when I straighten it hard, which isn't a function anyway). Went back to work March 9. And, finished my first pair of socks last week. I've got started on the second pair but O'Keefe bit through the yarn last night so I have to learn a new skill - the Russian join - to get the yarn back together so I can proceed. That will be tonight's knitting goal.

I had a landscaping expert over yesterday to look at my yard the way it was intended to be (our original drawings and plans from his company, who did the landscaping work in 2007), and how it is now (after two years of neglect by me). This makes me sound wealthy or something, but really I've been saving money those two years, also, and at this point in time I think it's important to get the front yard looking nice again. All my neighbors keep theirs looking nice and I'm ashamed I've let it go this long. There are reasons for it but it's all inside my head and other incentives are shifting into gear now so I'm going to try to do right by my wonderful neighbors AND my terrific house. I'll feel better once it's back in shape.

The first order of business is just spring clean-up. Later we'll replant the areas where the plants failed. After that, I hope to hire them to come back once a month during the growing season to keep things looking tip-top.

This IS stuff I COULD do myself, except that's been part of the problem, I keep telling myself that and then never get around to it. I have to face my shortcomings realistically - I'm never going to become That Gardening Neighbor I had envisioned. I always enjoy mowing, too, but this year, after hurting my elbow, I don't think the vibrations and exertion would be particularly good for the arm.

Well, I haven't kept this up very well...I did drive out to CA to spend a wonderful holiday week with my kids, and drove back without the slightest bit of any kind of problem. I had to rearrange my overnight motel city plans a couple times to avoid horrible winter weather but it all worked out fine in the end.

Almost got through the entire month of January - then on the 28th, I slipped and fell on black ice going to work, dislocated my right elbow (worst pain I've ever had - do NOT do this!!!) and I've been off work since. I start PT today and hope by the middle of March to be back to work and in fighting fettle, if not sooner but that's up to the orthopedic doctor. I intend to keep up my end of the project, that's for sure.

For someone who is constitutionally averse to housecleaning, this enforced sloth (two weeks of not using my right arm AT ALL for ANYTHING) has me champing at the bit for Spring Cleaning. Also, all those months of Not Knitting this winter, now I'm simply frothing to get back to it. Even bought two more skeins of sock yarn and two more books of patterns using sock yarn. And I haven't even finished my very first sock! (That was started, of course before the accident. Um...months and months and MONTHS before.)

I never imagined how hard EVERYTHING is without the use of my "good" (dominant) arm and hand. It takes five times longer and ten times as much energy to do ANYthing. And I'm a huge baby. I have been so fortunate all my life with good health and lack of injuries, that I have just had no end of tantrums (alone, in my house where no one can see my bad behavior) over how frakking difficult everything is. Yet I know full well how lucky I am (not just in the accident, which *could* have just as easily resulted in crushed and broken bones, nerve, connective tissue and blood vessel damage) - I'm among the luckiest million people on the planet, I reckon - good health, I'm able to support myself and own my home, wonderful TREASURES of family and friends and an understanding boss at work - there's no end to my list of good fortune. So now that the pain and disability is abating, I'm trying to keep that in the forefront of my thoughts now.

I love the sun but it does show up the dust, doesn't it? *sigh* Patience, Terry, patience...

Since neither Congress nor the Executive Branch look likely to step up and defend my 4th Amendment constitutional rights (protection against unlawful search and seizure), I will be opting out of air travel this holiday season. I'll be foregoing an essentially "free" airline ticket (paid for out of my credit card "reward points") and instead spending more than half my savings on gasoline and motels in a three-and-a-half day sojourn from here in the middle of the continent, to its western edge. In the dead of winter. Across a major mountain range. In my car. Alone.

This might strike some, at first, as pretty stupid. Well, let me allay your fears. If it's storming on the morning of my planned departure like it is right now, I won't be setting out at all. I want to spend Christmas with my beloved family, but not from the inside of a coffin. I've got Skype; if the continent is torn asunder by winter storms, I can always hook up with my kids via the internet.

My car pooler seems convinced I'm hell bent on committing suicide this way. He's just worried he'll have to pay more for his gas to & from work.

There is of course an elevated amount of personal risk even in good weather, of some 27 hours of driving over 7 hours of flying. It would CERTAINLY be more CONVENIENT to fly, for God's sake.

But I have sat here and watched George Bush and his cronies dismantle our Constitution and the values this country was supposed to hold dear, and done not very damned much. Watched Obama not do very damned much about it, either. I've written a few letters, made a few phone calls, donated a (very) few dollars here and there. Thing was, there just didn't seem to be anything much I could do about any of it.

The TSA and their x-ray nudie machine vs. their jackboot enhanced pat-down routine - now that, I can do something about. Doesn't matter if they do it randomly and if I never got "picked." That they CAN do it AT ALL is what makes me sick to my stomach. In my view it's just plain fucking illegal. Yoo hoo, Congress? White House? Anybody?

Obviously they don't care (at the least, or in the least). I can opt out of flying, so I am. One of the most horrifying scenes I remember from Schindler's List were the people of the newly-occupied towns getting herded and prodded into lines by the Nazis. Told to strip naked, they stripped naked. Humiliated, embarrassed, frightened - they stripped naked, God bless them, and stayed in lines, and got into the cattle cars.

Do you remember that scene?

Does anybody?

So, the 2010 Paris week is over. Two dear friends came over to help me top off the week. Our menu tonight was:

Biftek Sauté Béarnaise

Gratin Jurassien

Navets à L’Étuviée

Pain et Buerre

Dessert:

Panna Cotta

avec

Sauce aux Cerises

And here's the dessert, as promised:

And I'm so tired and full I can't move. Maybe I'll just sleep in my chair downstairs tonight....zzzz

Tonight, my current favorite: Ratatouille! With some plain old biscuits and a little bit of cheese grated on top. Easy and delicious!

Since I've got French class tonight, I made an easy omelette and just heated up the remaining baguette in the microwave. Tomorrow night! The ratatouille!

OK, I have run out of energy before I’ve run out of Paris Week. I’m too pooped to cook ratatouille tonight, or even crêpes. I opened a can of Le Manwich and cooked a pound of le hamburger and I’m making Le Goofing Off tonight. No photo. Too fatiguée even to study any French.

Bah. It’s not good getting old.

I was going to cook ratatouille tonight but the day got away from me. I did my raw crudités, cheeses, and baguette. I had smoked gouda, emanteller, cheddar, and bleu cheeses. Green onion, carrot sticks, whole almonds, raw green beans, a little tomato, and little chunks of turnip. Hot baguette right out of the oven and butter, mm mm. I also have some Paul Newman's Own salad dressing of some kind, to dip things in. See, I've figured out, the thing is about French cooking is that everyday isn't anything fancy. It's just that they have more variety and do more interesting things with them. It can be very simple. Once again, my little ring-holder kitty approved:

So today launches my third annual Paris Week. I make myself simple French dinners all week, to recapture a little of that wonderful week I spent in the City of Light in October 2007. THIS time I'm going to make more of an effort to take pictures of my creations.

Tonight it was something similar to Filet de sole bonne femme - from my memory of the recipe I followed in about 1972 from that era's Betty Crocker cookbook. AFTER making and eating it, I looked in my Julia Child cookbook and online to see if there is actually such a recipe - there are apparently lots. And it turns out I cannot call it "Filet de sole bonne femme" because I forgot to put mushrooms in it. *slump* Oh well, it had real butter, Reisling wine, chopped green onions, a little bit of rosemary and thyme, and did I mention the Reisling wine? That's French enough for me. My version is a lot easier than the other ones I found. It was good, too. I had steamed Brussels sprouts and some bread-machine-made bread & butter. My ring-holder kitty approved:

This week of opulent self-indulgence culminates with a splendid dinner to which I invite two or three of my dearest friends. (They're the only ones I know will still talk to me if my dinner turns out awful.) I have to write the invitations tonight and get them in the mail. Last year we played Milles Bournes after the dinner. I'm going to ask my invitees to make suggestions for this time. I've got the original French "Breathless" DVD, and "Paris, Je t'aime" we could watch... We'll see.

On tomorrow night's menu: Ratatouille and crusty French bread, with maybe some cheese sprinkled on it. Mmm-mmm, I love me some ratatouille!

One year ago today I quit smoking. Yay!

I made myself a chocolate cake to celebrate. Probably not the greatest idea, but hey, it's something. I'll probably end up throwing most of it out.

Today my nephew came over and painted my back yard shed for me. The old color was not nice. That's all I'll say, since it's no longer visible. The new color was scientifically obtained by the paint store lady putting a chip of my house siding into her color-detecting gizmo and coming up with the recipe to make the same color. I also got white for the trim.

I painted a couple of sheets of plywood that I'd had them cut to fit the doorway of the shed; the old doors have rotted out at the bottom due to being dragged across wet grass, etc. I painted them in the garage and when they were dry, they didn't look like the same color as the house, so I hauled one out to compare it right up against the siding. The color was 100% perfect. My eye could not detect any difference. Amazing.

So today as my nephew was painting, it was looking pretty different also. It looks more yellow. Now that it's done, and it's had a few hours to dry, it still looks different. Maybe the south side of my house – the side I got the sample chip from – is lighter than the north side – the side facing the back yard – because the sun beats on the south side all the time and hardly at all on the north side. But I don't care because the new shed color is 1000% better than the old color, and it goes just fine with the north side of the house.

This has taken a HUGE burden off my shoulders. This is a biggie. Thank you SO much, nephew! You're the BEST.

The video problem was that my video player (can't remember which I have now) needed to be updated.

Today must be Two Bafflements for the Price of One Day...

#1: suddenly my Macbook won't play any kind of video - not even the Zazzle.com embedded thingy here on my blog page. ???

#2: TWO people have now bought the Book Lover's Necktie I've got for sale at Zazzle.com. I'm delighted but completely surprised. Hope the recipients like them!

Making ratatouille today. I'm thinking it'll be dinner tonight, then lunches for pretty much the rest of the week...unless I get sick of it, in which case I'll freeze it for later.

Let me just say up-front, especially to my French friends, this is pretty loose-handed ratatouille; I consulted Julia but my version is getting simmered for several hours in a crock pot. If that turns it into mush, then I will have learned a lesson. I added a few things Julia didn't call for, such as marjoram, rosemary, thyme, parsley, and bay leaves. I also tossed in a fat teaspoon of pre-chopped garlic and a sliced stalk of green garlic I had lying about.

So, first I emptied two 15 ounce cans of tomatoes into the crock pot. I happened to have a can of whole tomatoes and one with stuff in it, like onion and celery. Doesn't matter, as long as it's tomatoes. Fresh tomatoes are ideal; but I've never met a canned tomato that didn't measure up. I threw in the herbs, and some salt and pepper and turned the pot on low to warm up while doing the other stuff. (The picture above has eggplant and a few pieces of onion and zucchini in it because I didn't think to take pictures until I was well along in this process.)

Then I chopped up the 1 eggplant and 2 zucchini into pretty large chunks (I wanted more zucchini but I'd already eaten the other 2 in salads earlier this week). I figured since they would be cooking for several hours, maybe bigger pieces would keep them from turning to mush as quickly. We'll see. I filled a big bowl with water and shook maybe two tablespoons of salt into it, and stirred it well, then plunked the eggplant and zucchini into it. I put a pot on top to keep them submerged; eggplant floats - who knew? (The salt water trick is Julia's. I assume it draws out excess water so they don't dissolve while cooking.) Left that there for half an hour and went and did something else - oh yes, I chopped up the other vegetables: a whole yellow onion, a red, a green, and a yellow bell pepper, a stalk of green garlic.

After soaking the eggplant and zucchini for 30 minutes, I put them in my salad spinner and spun them, and turned them out onto a clean dishtowel and patted them dry. I heated olive oil in the skillet at a high-med. high temp until it started smoking, then threw in two cups of the big veggies at a time:

You're just singeing them to seal in the juices so it only takes a minute or two, stirring a couple times to turn each piece over. Once they're showing toasty little brown areas all over, put them into the crock pot.

When the zucchini and eggplant are mixed into the tomatoes and herbs, you then add some more olive oil to the frying pan (the previous vegetables will have soaked it all up) and sauté the onions and peppers and garlic (I added the pre-chopped garlic at this point) until they're translucent and giving off their juices. Put that in the crock pot, add some more salt and pepper, and...

Give it all a good stir, put the lid on and go do other things for a couple hours. I'll stir it again then leave it until 6 pm or so. Some nice hearty bread, some good French cheese - Heaven! Well - I'll let you know about that..

For various reasons, I've not gotten started on the "9 Great Walks in 2009" program yet; the first one I planned got replaced by a trip to the zoo, and since I don't have my calendar here (vacationing in CA) I can't recall if there was another one this month that got omitted, or if there was only the one planned. Anyway, once I get home and back in the groooove, I'll start that delightful "project" and hope to have some nice photos and interesting tidbits to post.

Today's the last day of my vacation. I can't say I'm champing at the bit to get back to work, but oh well, I'm glad to have my job, and that's for sure. I'm sure the yards are knee-high so Wednesday (I'm taking that off, too) I'll be trying to get caught up in the yard work, and then to KEEP up with it the rest of the growing season. Lots I want to do out there...

Today's big project is prepping the milliards of cardboard boxes I've got out in the garage, for carting off by the recycling people. I saved boxes for many many months, while I was selling off my Robert's photography equipment. It's all gone now so I don't need all those boxes any more, and I can use the shelves they're on to organize the stuff I will eventually sell in a garage sale (target: this October). After THAT's been sold, I can use those shelves to organize whatever stuff's left out there (and I'm hoping it will be minimal, just the things I actually need and use).

But a thought occurred to me a few minutes ago: I also need to go through the house, garage, and shed and find all the toxic crap: yard chemicals, paints, thinners, unneeded automotive fluids(?) - whatever; and bundle them up and take them to the City's Toxic Crap site. Maybe next weekend. That'll make me feel a LOT better even though it doesn't really contribute visually to my Clean-Up and Organize campaign.

There's always something, and that's the truth. Owning your home is unending Job Security.

I'm ridiculously chuffed right now. I just succeeded in mowing my *entire* back yard in one straight go. Years past, the first few mowings, I had to take a break in the middle...of course, while taking that break I had to have a cigarette...but I quit that in October...so...Huh. Could there be a connection?

Nah. Probably not.

Anyway, I'm exhausted and sweaty and my hurty shoulder hurts, but by GOD the yards have both been mowed (I did the teensy front yard last night).

I would NEVER have expected to be able to mow the back yard on a week night, after a full day at work (plus about 90 minutes total on the interstate getting there and back). This opens up so much goodness! I haven't even begun to realize it all yet. For one thing, I can do yard work after work instead of workouts! (I've started doing those again. Blegh.) (And I just used the word "work" three times in one sentence. Go figure.)

There's a lot more to do before I'll consider the yard "summer-ready" - and for me, that's NOT Martha Stewart Just-My-500-Best-Friends-Party-under homemade Chinese lanterns ready. It's just *acceptable*, to me.

Anyway, now I can face the neighbors. :)

No walkies this weekend. I think I've got bronchitis. Energy level 0. And, since I have the Envirothon (State level) next Saturday, I'd better not push my luck, health wise.

Nothing else to report, certainly nothing interesting.

Maybe next blog.

When I'm reminded that I'm weird - by me.

Yesterday on the way home I found myself weeping, hard. Why? Because I'd just emerged from an about-10-minute fantasy of me doing a music video to Charles Aznavour's "Dans tes bras" ("In your arms") - me singing and dancing all over the Pont Neuf in Paris, singing it as a love song to Paris. It was a great video, wish you could have seen it.

But, Egad.

Why do I have this deep, painful, incurable yearning for Paris? I almost wish I hadn't gone there, in 2007. I think it just made it worse because now I KNOW what I'm missing...to bring myself back in off the Run Away to Paris Ledge I have to remind myself that one of the things I'm missing is paying $800 a month for a 15' x 15' "apartment" on the fifth floor with no elevator. That's usually a pretty good dash of the old "eau froid."

I do wish I was capable of producing a music video, though. I promise I wouldn't star in it myself.

I haven't had anything really worth blogging about for quite awhile, so I didn't bother. Things were going on – good things. I've been taking advantage of a new program with our health insurance by stopping smoking (last October) – they paid for the patches, and they provide a coach who called me up every 6 weeks or so to visit and touch base. That's about as much coaching as I want or need. I've signed up for the coaching program again this year, this time to increase my physical activity. I've become quite the slug. You look at my rear end and you know what the shape of the recliner in my living room is. THAT much of a slug.

I'm not aiming for weight loss this go-round. I'm just trying to become more active. The season helps (I'm sore from yard work over the weekend, but “it's a good sore.”) And we did have a pretty extended, nasty winter. No wonder I didn't want to go outside and frolic! But it also left me with PLENTY to do out in the yard.

I'm going to put the gym I've got in the basement to use. A nice Tunturi exercise bike (that helped me lose 55 pounds in 4 months in 1994!) and a full-blown free-weight set ($1000 in a half-price sale from a gym equipment store, about five years ago) that's been pretty much gathering dust for five years. My goals: get in the habit of working out every day. That worked in 1994; I'm now 16 years older (GOOD GRIEF!!!!!???) and I don't know if I can do that again. So, I modify the goal to say, on evenings or days when I don't do any vigorous yard work or walking (more on that in a minute), I'll work out. When you start from zero, anything is an improvement.

As for the walking, I'm going to be going out, every other Saturday or so, and doing the “9 in 2009” Great Omaha Walks whose maps and info sheets are found here:

http://www.omahabydesign.org/2010/04/9-great-walks-brochures-available/

And I'm going to take my sketchbook and pens & pencils & things, and try to draw things I find interesting or pretty or awesome or whatever. If they don't embarrass me too much, I might post some of them here. In other words, I'm going to blog these walks. When I get back. When I get my breath back. Maybe after a nap... Ahem.

And then I'm going to look around town for my own “great Omaha walks.” I'll make maps of my own, maybe a list of special features and/or historical highlights, and go give them the blogger's treatment, too. I've got a friend or two who might accompany me on some of the walks. I plan to stop at the Benson Farmer's Market at 8 a.m. On Great Walk days and getting yummy things to take along for lunch.

This is sounding like so much fun, I'm getting excited about my first walk – this Saturday – to Prospect Hill Cemetery. It's a short walk so I think I can make it...

So here we are on the cusp of Spring, and did I get my big winter project, the sewing and assembling of seven Roman shades for my downstairs windows, done? BWAHAHAHAHA!!! Of course not. MAYBE this weekend I shall finish the FIRST one. MAYBE using what I've learned from doing that one, I will rip through the others in short order. But not, my friend, before next weekend, when it really will be Spring.

And now that the snow has melted (mostly) - and I can see my yards for the first time since December, it's apparent that the snow was covering a multitude, if not of sins, then of sticks. Branches. Limbs (of the tree variety, don't worry.) And that it's going to be a real race between getting all that picked up and when the yards MUST be mowed for the first time. So weekend time to work on the Roman shades will be limited for awhile.

Ah well, I'll just putz along as I have always done. It will all get done eventually. And I will be very glad to have Spring back again.

I add more Zazzle products every week or so. Must get some more photos and art work done. In my spare time.

I've started a Zazzle.com store. You'll see the ad in the right-hand column. I keep adding new things.

It's got items with photos from my Paris vacation of 2007, some scenery and features of western Nebraska, and a few designs I made myself with either MSPaint (yes, the primitive one) or photos and a photo editor.

If it interests you, check it out. If it doesn't, no problem-O.

2009 is almost over. Had some good times, had some bad times. I find myself curiously uninterested in recapping. I'm looking forward to moving forward, and I should say I feel like I did a goodly bit of that in 2009, thanks to the help of my friends and family. Love and thanks to everyone! And Happy 2010!

I've been thinking a lot recently about how insignificant actions can have a way of becoming really and truly significant farther down the line. Two days ago, I got an email from a woman in another state telling me that she had got my husband's potato soup recipe off my web site in 2002. She said she had just got around to actually making it, and she said it was the best potato soup she'd ever had. (I had warned people that this would be the case when I posted the recipe.) She said she wanted to print out a new copy after making the soup, but she'd splashed water on the bottom half and it was illegible, so she went online thinking she'd go right to it – but alas, I'd taken my web site down. She searched around and found it (it's now here) and that's when she saw my note that Bob had passed away. This lovely lady emailed me to tell me she wanted me to know that people are still enjoying his recipes. She'll never know how good that made me feel.

But when we posted his recipes, it was almost trivial. I was updating my web site, and he was looking through his recipe files on his computer. He had the idea that I should post the potato soup (since I'd made such a big deal about it, even taking a picture of it – it really was THAT GOOD), so he dictated and I just wrote down what he said. A few days later, he made something else yummy and I suggested we put up a whole section of my web site with his recipes. He had such fun with those – he took such earnest pleasure in getting the wording just right, just like in a professionally-done cookbook. And he really puffed up when I told him months later that his recipes were getting most of the hits on my web site – from all over the world! A few people even emailed me to tell me how good they turned out.

But it started with just a Saturday afternoon's whim, and a little time on our hands. The lady's email the other day got me to thinking about all the people, all over the world, who have found, and made, Bob's recipes over the years. They're on computer files and in recipe card books and tucked inside cookbooks in maybe a hundred countries, maybe part of hundreds of families' standard rotating menus. Even if, generations from now, someone asks Grandma, “Where'd you get that recipe?” and Grandma says, “Oh, I got it off the internet honey,” and no one knows anything about my Bob – a little part of him will still be living on.

On one of our vacations in Minnesota I took a picture of him sitting on the porch of our cabin. I don't remember taking the picture, and I'd forgotten about it entirely until his sisters and I were looking for photos for his memories board for his funeral. His sisters both said, “That's a great picture, let's put that on it.” And I looked at it, and it took my breath away. His sister said, “That really caught him – the orneriness, the humor, and the kindness.” It was a few minutes before I could even answer, because she was so right. There he is. And I don't even remember taking the picture.

You can't go through life thinking every single thing no matter how tiny, is going to end up being really important, to you or someone else, some day. You'd go crazy. But wow – it really is true.

Last time I was at PetCo, spending a lot of money on my cats, on an impulse I got three identical little beds for them. I got them for $4.99 each cause I have a PetCo card. Anyway, I figured, since I'm churning up the furniture upstairs pretty soon (major rearrangement), maybe they'd like their own beds, at least they'll be familiar when the whole world goes CRAZY. So I put two on the other bed the other night. Lixie slept in one, and O'Keefe slept in the other one, and Adams slept in the space between. So I thought, Awww, he needs his bed in there, too. So I lined them up all three.

When I came upstairs Friday after work, this is what I found:

And yes, that's Adams.

Happy Thanksgiving to all!

Yes, we're having a small, quiet T-Day with a roasted turkey breast, mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans, cranberry sauce (me), and apple pie & vanilla ice cream. *bliss*

ETA: Thanksgiving feast accomplished! Now we're stupefied...no, actually, these easy chairs NEEDED to be held down for a little while, until it's time for the apple pie and ice cream.

Just came across this interactive map where you can show the states you've visited. There's one for the world, too, but the only foreign countries I've been to are Canada, Mexico and France, so I don't see the point.

However, I've been to quite a few states in the USA:


visited 26 states (52%)
Create your own visited map of The United States

Though not as many as I'd thought. I see the East and the South are foreign to me yet...

Got the scarf done last night, finally!



Now a few days' break before starting my beret. I'm pleased with my first effort in some 24 -25 years. It refreshed my memory of continental knitting, and of course knitting and purling. Nice hobby. *g*

I just saw "Monty Python and the Holy Grail" tonight for the first time, believe it or not. Most enjoyable, mostly (I thought it dragged a little bit, in places), and a little surprising in some ways. I am not an expert about cinematography, but I thought the cinematography was quite striking in places, and some of the imagery beautiful, even haunting, aside from the ridiculous carryings-on. I always loved how much fun those wacky guys had with the mucky, stenchy reality of medieval life, especially among the peasantry. Overall, huge fun and much deserving of its beloved classic status.

And I'm pissed off all over again at the loss of Graham Chapman. Words don't exist to express how foully that sucks.

Once again, I have vastly underestimated the scope of a task, and ludicrously overestimated my own strength and stamina. It's just my front yard, for crying out loud. Knee-deep in leaves - and it includes the driveway, sidewalk, parking, and a car's width out into the street. I was determined to get it all bagged up today, Well, I got about 5/8ths of it done. I have to call that good. This old, sedentary bod just cain't do it all today. I'll finish tomorrow. And then I'll have to do it all again in a week or two, because there are a hella lot of leaves still up in those trees...



In cat news, Adams's paw seems to be completely healed. He got the vet's bandage off in about 2 days, but he hasn't been licking it or favoring it at all, and we've been giving him his Rx antibiotic (over with that now), and I finally got a chance to see the paw last night (he doesn't let people touch his paws, like most cats) and it looks fine. *Whew!*

Made some progress on this scarf today. Almost doubled its length! I hope to finish it by Oct. 31. I even went so far as to look into what my next knitting project will be. It's going to be a beret! And if I can find it to buy, it'll be in a lovely Malabrigo chunky yarn of their color "Paris nights" (big surprise, eh?). Looks like the first few things I knit are going to be for me. My skill ain't so smooth yet. Practice, practice...

My poor Adams cat has a hurty foot. We applied neosporin and wrapped gauze around it last night and were surprised that it took him to this morning to pull the bandage off. Unfortunately, the hurty looked worse this morning. It's all raw between two toes. I finally bit the bullet and we took him to the vet at 4. Poor guy. He has somehow sliced the hide off the inner side of one toe pad. The doctor cleaned it and applied medicine and wrapped his foot again, and gave him a rabies shot (overdue, but I don't worry 'cause my cats are not allowed outside. EVER.) But oh y goodness, is Adams peeved.



This is a very odd place for him to pout. It's right by the front door. The cats never hang out in that particular spot. But maybe he's just tired after his ordeal. We have to poke a pill down him twice a day, too. Oh, boy, will that be fun.

So, I finally got the scarf frogged (heh heh, that's knitter's-speak for "unraveled") last night, and got the first repeat of six rows put on the needle. Then at lunch today I did another repeat, and on the way home another one. So 18 rows! And they're all perfect! Yay! No odd unexplainable gaps, no extra or missing stitches when I count them at the end of the rows...I think I'm making progress. I'll have to post a picture a little later, my camera battery has to recharge. Not that it looks all that different from the first version, lol.

So here it is Saturday again, and I've been a non-smoker for almost 8 days. The patch makes it pretty easy, actually. I wonder how hard it is to get off the *patch*. I'll find out eventually. That will be a good day, when I don't have to mess with that any more. Not that it's complicated or difficult. Just a nuisance.

My life is so exciting. Today I'm performing the Autumn Bathroom Change-out ritual. lol - thrilling, no? Putting away the Paris Bathroom, good-bye until next July 14th.

And I will later rip out ALL the rows I've done on the scarf I started 8 days ago. Too many mistakes, too many holes. I want to re-learn knitting *correctly* and part of that is NOT being satisfied with second-best. Particularly if I'm going to be using "real" yarns - wool, alpaca, you know, the animal fibers. No more synthetic yarns for me. I've seen the light and will sin no more (in that way).

And after I do a few more chores, and loads of laundry, I'm going to knit for awhile, and then I'm going to read. For several hours if I can swing it. I love reading. Don't do near enough of it.

I'm a pretty boring person, when I'm not bustin' the high adventure decorating the bathroom. Woo hoo!

ETA: Oh yeah, I said I'd post photos of the French dinner from Sunday. Here ya go:







The Volailles de Veronique, Salade de mesclun, and Ratatouille. Unfortunately we didn't get pictures of the creme brulee (without the brulee) and Madeleines. We had store-bought bake & serve French bread but I figure you know what that looks like.

Starting Day Four of being a non-smoker. It hasn't been too bad. Just a few urges, quickly left behind. Of course, my Victorian/Lutheran ethic tells me I'm cheating, using the patch, but pbbt on the ol' V/L crap. Whatever it takes.

The usual good effects of quitting have started appearing: my lingering chesty cough from the last cold (a month ago?) is going away (DUH). My mouth, for the first time this morning, doesn't taste like a used ash tray. Laissez le bon temps roule!

I worked on the scarf for a couple patterns (12 rows) last night. It's turning out to be my usual cavalacade of hilarity. I have magic stitches that disappear and re-appear, doubled on random rows. I swear, I counted EVERY STITCH on the last six rows, made sure I had 24 when I should have had 23; so knit two together; then the end of the next row I'd have only 22. *cue sound of hair being ripped out by roots* So I have no idea what this thing is going to end up looking like. A very bumbledy-looking scarf, I guess:



I need to finish it by Oct. 31, as I've "entered" a Ravelry Malabrigo Group "You Can Do It!" contest (you just say on the group board you're going to do it, and you're entered. Very informal. And Malabrigo has put up yarn & stuff as prizes!) Wish me luck - the ONLY category I have a prayer for is Most Improved, LOL - starting with 20-year-old rusty knitting skills means ALL progress is upward.

My Celebrate Paris week is officially over now, with a pretty good dinner if I do say so myself, three good friends and several rounds of Mille Bornes none of which did I win. Mostly I put in a poor showing but it's all in the luck of the draw, I tell you! Anyway, I managed to pretty well trash the kitchen but a lot of it's in the dishwasher or the fridge now, so poor RH says he'll work at the rest tomorrow. He took pictures before we dug in so I'll post those when I get them. We had:

Salade du mesclun
Supremes de Volaille Veronique
Ratatouille
French bread

and for dessert: Creme brulee (as it turned out, without the brown sugar crust on top; it didn't appear to have set up properly and I didn't know how putting brown sugar on top and broiling it would end up, so it was more like just custard) and Madeleines. And, it did set up nicely, very creamy and light.

Everyone appeared to like it. And now I'm very, very tired and after a week of eating French food I swear I'm ready for hot dogs and beans and potato chips. Except we have a considerable amount of leftovers.

No knitting tonight; it would be worse than useless for me to try when I'm this tired. However, this is the end of my second day as a non-smoker, and all the work and fussing successfully kept me from missing it. Yay!

Day One of no smoking went pretty well. Had a couple of moments of wanting a cigarette, but they were brief and weak - I *am* wearing the patch, after all. Got started on my scarf. Got a lot of housekeeping done.

This morning we're off to the grocery store, then back here for a little more cleaning and a whole lotta cookin'. It's the culminating day of my Celebrate Paris week, and there'll be four of us at table. Wish me luck.

First snow of the winter. A little early. Hope it dries up and goes away, and the 98% of the leaves in this very leafy neighborhood, fall, before we get the snowfall that sticks around all winter.

It's always so beautiful, the first snow.

So, I'm trying to become a better person. Today (John Lennon's birthday, as it happens) is my last day as a smoker. When I get up in the morning, I'll be a non-smoker. I'm following a program sponsored by my insurance company, gives me a coach, gave me a kit and everything. I've made all kinds of preparations and I've been thinking about it a LOT.

I'm using the Patch, under my Dr's supervision. And, to keep my hands busy these long winter evenings in front of the TV, I'm taking up knitting again. I've become addicted to Ravelry.com, I've bought a skein of yarn and a pair of needles and got a nice scarf pattern from my yarn store. I've been practicing a little on scrap yarn. Visions of wonderful me-made socks, hats, sweaters, arm-warmers and MORE! are dancing in my head. I've started taking better care of my hands so they're not so scratchy (won't catch on the yarn so much).

I'll post updates on the knitting project here (I think it'll mirror on the Ravelry site but I'm not sure) - wish me luck!

In other news, this has been my second Celebrate Paris week, during which I've made French meals each night (except one when I got home from work really late). Tonight it's French onion soup, salad, and French bread. It's been fun and pretty tasty so far. Sunday culminates the week with a little soiree (complete with a game of Mille Bournes) with three friends (I hope I remember to snap photos of the dinner before we eat it), then sometime after that I convert my bathroom decor from Paris to Autumn. All this is to commemorate my week in Paris, this same week in 2007. *sigh*

Does that make me sound all organized and everything? BWAHAHAHAHA! Fooled ya.

I actually started a new short story this week. Havent got far, and what I've got will have to be lopped off for the most part, but it's a start.

I'm wondering what's happening with The Book of Tentacles. Sam's Dot Publishing said they wanted my story "Jar of Peaches" for the antho, and it was supposed to be published this month (after a couple of delays) but I haven't heard anything about it, and no reply to my querying email.?

Getting ready for the family's visit. Boy, do I NEED this vacation.

Over the weekend I finished that dress! I am delighted to have actually finished it - but it won't be making a public debut. The style turns out NOT to be Me. I look like a sack of potatoes in the thing. *sigh* Ah well, it'll make a good housework dress.

Its real value was as a learning exercise. I discovered that by golly, I do remember how to put in a mean zipper! After making every mistake it's possible to make, and ripping out the first zipper I ever tried to install about fifty times, back in junior high school home-ec class, I have never had any trouble with zippers since then. (This is how old I am: back then, girls HAD to take Home Ec, and could not take Shop; boys HAD to take shop, and could not take Home-Ec - which is short for Home Economics, in case you're wondering. Funny that; they never showed us how to balance a checkbook or make up a budget. Damn them.)

I have stacks and stacks of fabric. A friend (male, decidedly NOT a sewing type) inherited several HUNDRED lengths of fabric when his mother died. She had made all her family's clothes, and the trove includes men's suiting fabrics as well as every kind of women's clothing fabrics you can imagine, plus window-dressing and furniture fabrics, and most of them are now "vintage." He's been selling them awfully cheap just to get rid of them. I consider I've done more than my part toward his effort. To the point where I shouldn't have to buy clothes for a decade, actually. But I need to graduate from my training-wheels-level sewing skills.





My next project is another dress, a different fabric and pattern (see above; it'll be the jumper). I'm big into dresses since I discovered they are MUCH cooler in the summer time, specifically when I'm walking the 6 - 8 blocks to my car after work when it's hottest. I've got family visiting in two weeks, so I won't get to it before then. After THAT, the big project: sewing Roman shades for seven windows on my first floor (oh, except one is on the upstairs landing). We kept the drapes that came with the house, being too cheap to replace them, but now (after 16 years) I am thoroughly sick of the ugly, dark old things. I can't WAIT to yank them down and throw them away. I picked Roman shades in a pale blue linen-blend. Roman shades are, theoretically, pretty easy. Before I start I'm going to do Before pictures of the ugly current ones, then After ones once I've finished the shades. I'm itching to get to those shades...

And I need to do some sewing for Christmas presents. Smaller projects that don't require knowing the recipients' sizes.

I have all the sewing equipment I could ever want; I got a lot of my late mom-in-law's sewing stuff. I didn't know there'd been such an explosion of methods of marking fabric - for use with marking paper: the old stapler-type stamp, the teensy pizza-cutter (with dull edge) in both toothed and smooth edges, then there's white pencil, and both purple and turquoise washable-ink felt tip pens. I tried several of those methods on this first dress, and wasn't happy with any of them. I think I'll try tailor's tacks in this next one.



And I have my first self-healing cutting mat and rotary cutter! My goodness, are *those* things neat! I've got at least two (and maybe three, I'm not sure) pinking shears, two regular sewing scissors, several tape measures, and some things I don't even know what they're for. Like, a ruler-type thing that is curved on one side and straight on the other. ??? And I have my little Baby Lock, simple sewing machine with everything I need: variable length straight stitching, zigzag, and a Reverse button. It also has one of those hemming stitches but it didn't work so well for me - it seems turned backwards from the direction *I* would think it should go. I'll work on that. I bought that machine with money earned *writing*! I wrote a regular nature column for a local kids-oriented newsletter, donkey's years ago. I'm still proud of that. :)



And I've bought a ton of patterns at some great sales at Hancock's. So there's really no excuse for me not to go to work on my wardrobe!

I remind myself of this every time I go read The Panopticon. That's knitting, and Mr. Franklin Habit, the blogger, sings a very siren song to me, to get back into knitting. Big-time. But I resist; I have too many other things I need to work on first. Like, the top floor of my house is practically dismantled, furniture-wise, right now, as I try to sell a couple unnecessary and LARGE pieces of furniture to make room for a Major Rearrangement, with Desired Outcome: two nice guest rooms and a LOT less Stuff.

So, anyway, I'm getting back into the Domestic Arts. Don't worry, there is no danger of my turning into Rachel Ray or Martha Stewart. It'll just be *my* version, and I promise to keep it to myself. Sort of like my Paris vacation album. I had fun putting it together, but it's about as far from a present day "scrapbooker" as you can get. And that's fine with me.

Lo! These several months later, and I'm actually working on sewing my first garment in *mumble mumble* years. OK, like, 15 years. It's a dress. A very very simple dress. (View C.) I'm re-making all my newbie mistakes, but it's great because I'm re-learning all that stuff. Nonetheless, this will be a housedress, not to be worn in public. But it's lovely fabric and light and cool, just what I need around the house in the hot, sticky summertime if I'm going to keep my A/C temp setting in the mid-70s, or off altogether. AND: I still know how to put a zipper in on the first try. *polishes nails, looks proud*

Just the facings and the hems to be done yet, and I can start deciding what's next. Whee!

So once again, due to my own denial, lack of planning, what-have-you, I have a disappointment. My plan for today was to do a couple of housework chores then sit down to adjust the simplest blouse pattern I've got, and sew a blouse. I have two books "The Perfect Fit," and "How to Make Sewing Patterns," the latter because it shows with photographs how to measure yourself when you don't have someone to help. I have a tape measure and the pattern, the fabric, the thread, even the interfacing.

So, impatient to imagine ahead, I measured myself for the blouse.

Reality bites.

I'm several inches BIGGER than the biggest size this pattern is meant for. From what I've read of these books, which isn't 100%, this means I'm pretty much going to be starting from scratch - and I'm not at all sure I even have enough of this fabric.

ARGH!!!

So, I can forget about the sewing until I lose about thirty pounds (at least), or I can sit down and really study these books and use this first pattern as my crash course in pattern-making. Well. One thing I can do is to cut out the pattern paper and make a duplicate in newsprint, and use the copy to try out the methods in the book. That would be a step forward.

I remember in junior high when we were learning to sew in Home Ec (and isn't THAT quaint?), when we got to the zipper in a - was it a skirt? or a dress. Can't remember. Anyway, I must have ripped that zipper out twenty times. How I loathed it! Teen impatience, oh my god. But somehow, I stuck with it (maybe I would have flunked if I didn't at least FINISH the goddamned thing) and in the end, I think I had made about every mistake possible when putting in a zipper, and by god, I knew how to put in a zipper. I found in later years that I could put any kind of zipper in any kind of garment and it looked and worked just fine. That was one of those lessons no one could have consoled me with when I was down in the basement sweating, crying, and cursing over that stinking Home Ec assignment. I had to go through it myself, and discover later that it really was worth it. I don't remember what kind of grade I got on the Home Ec garment, probably not very good since it was chewed up pretty good, lol. But it was a skill, a hard-earned one.

So maybe what I have to do is the same thing over adjusting patterns, now. Either that or I've simply moved all that fabric I've got (enough for a full year's worth of new clothes) from one place of storage, to MY place of storage. I really hate that idea. So, it's back to school this afternoon...

I was remembering yesterday some of the clueless things I did in my young adulthood. I smile at my younger self from the vantage point of some 20 - 30 years' experience. I used to get embarrassed thinking about them but now I see, at least they were harmless and well-meant.

I lived on a farmstead in northern Iowa during my first marriage, when my son was a toddler. We had farm cats, and we had an Indoor cat. We fed the farm cats generic cat food in huge brown paper bags from the local farm supply place. The Indoor cat got Purina Cat Chow. It was the early 70's then, and though we lived far, far off the beaten path we did get one UHF (or was that VHF...) TV station from the "big" town twenty miles away, and we read the newspaper and I went to the library all the time, so we were well aware of Earth Day and the environmental movement just in its infancy. One day I fed the Indoor cat the last of one bag of chow and got to looking at the bright, slick bag with its gorgeous cat on the front. I thought, what a waste of paper and beautiful pictures. I sat down and wrote the company a letter congratulating them on their lovely cat food bags and helpfully suggesting they run a contest for the best re-use of the bags. I mailed it (post-box at the end of the long driveway) and then cut up the bag to make a dust cover for a book, and forgot about it. Some time later I got a response! It was a letter from their marketing department thanking me for my interest and enclosing a few coupons for Cat Chow. I don't remember the exact wording of the letter all these years hence, but I do remember the tone of polite bafflement. They regretfully nixed the suggestion of the contest, I do remember that. Ah well, we got a few cents off the next few bags of cat food.

One of the shows we could get on the one TV channel was the Dinah Shore program, the morning one with the now-classic morning-show format: she'd sing a song, there'd be a guest of fame or accomplishment, they'd do some cooking, she'd sing another song, and maybe there'd be a humorous bit with someone bringing their talented pet or children. I watched that show every day. (I remember being very intrigued when Burt Reynolds was the guest; EVERYONE knew they'd been an Item a few years before.) I got the idea that the local TV station needed a local show like that, only environmentally-oriented, and of course hosted by Yours Truly. I spent a few days developing ideas and themes for a bunch of shows. I even made up a list of what I thought would be likely advertisers. THOSE were thin on the ground in an agricultural state in the early 1970s, let me tell you. And I made an appointment with the station manager to discuss it.

I was terrified through the whole conversation. He was polite and kind (though it was obvious he was first and foremost a businessman) but when he asked how they would possibly pay for it, my paltry hand-written list didn't impress him. He of course knew all those vendors in the region and (as I realize now) knew they wouldn't have the slightest interest in footing the bill for an environmental talk show. In the face of the station manager's cold realism, my beautiful idea withered as I sat in his office. I felt like a complete idiot and slunk home to nurse my sore ego. (He did do an interview with me and a couple of other people I'd started a theater group with a few years later. I was on TV! With, of course, no way to record it back then, so I never saw myself. It's no doubt just as well, lol.)

There may be a few other such memories lurking just out of reach in the back of my increasingly rusty memory bank. I think I was naive long after the age I should have got wise to the world. Now I think of it as a baby chick struggling to peck its way out of the shell.

At long last, I can hold my head up and be proud of my country.

Channel-surfing on a break between housecleaning chores, I came across a public access station showing a film of Omaha's recent history. They were interviewing various movers and shakers and wannabes about the Old Market, which started out as a neighborhood of warehouses and manufacturing buildings down by the Missouri River in Omaha's original downtown. My late husband, Bob, was one of the late 1960's "Old Market layabouts"; one particular family had invested in a lot of the area and made cheap warehouse space available to artists and entrepreneurs, and Bob had a photography studio down there, where he lived and worked, amidst many of his friends. Over the years I heard so many stories about their hijinks and escapades. Quite the wild bunch they were, and I know he always felt those were his golden years. I knew some of the people interviewed for this TV film, quite a lot about some of them.There was old footage of hippies hanging out on the curbs, blowing bubbles, and people remodeling some of the old buildings, and working in their little stores. Much of the art that hangs on my walls came from some of those artists, working so bright-eyed and young back then, on the cutting edge of Omaha's embryonic arts culture.

A weird mood has settled on me watching this. So many of those old friends of Bob's have gone now, there must be a great reunion party going on somewhere. The sanitized version Omaha is presenting in this film is not much like the stories I heard. And the weirdness lies in how detached I feel. For a few minutes this living room was filled with voices and faces that Bob knew well - I wouldn't be surprised if he knew everyone in those old home movies - and I wonder what he would have said about it. I'm not sad, exactly. It's the transience of everything filling the room here, I think. This is a sense that's seeping into me more and more since he died. Nothing new or original with me, of course. Just new *to* me.

I'm very discouraged today. I have been purchasing materials and planning to make a line of handmade items to sell on Etsy.com. I don't have a store there yet, because I need to have an inventory first, as well as logo, banner art, business card design, etc. But I've invested a couple hundred dollars so far in materials and equipment to make these things which will be aimed at people who I expect to be at least 21 years old and probably more like 50 or 60.

Anyway, yesterday a discussion erupted on the Etsy forums about a new law (the Consumer Products Safety Improvement Act) that's proposed in Congress that, if applied broadly, apparently will require all of us small business people making handmade items to keep extensive records and reporting capabilities to the Consumer Product Safety Commission, maybe even requiring us to pay for testing of our products. Trouble is that no one - including the CPSC themselves - seems to really know who and what is covered, and what the obligations will be.

Well - this was going to be a fun, part-time way for me to be creative and make some money to maybe do some improvements around my house that my normal budget won't allow. If it's going to turn into a monstrous money pit and bureaucratic nightmare, I don't need it. Of course, there's a lot of concern and agitation going on amongst the Etsy crafters but no one seems to have figured out what it really means. So I'm going to just sit on this idea for awhile - after all, I have enough other projects I could be doing with the time this would have consumed - until the dust settles and the CPSC comes out with their final regulations. It's kind of looking like the bill was written to answer those horrible problems of things like flammable materials used in children's pajamas that were made in foreign lands, lead in toy paint, etc., and the writers were unaware that there is a pretty vast population of self-supporting crafters out here whose businesses would be absolutely crushed if this thing is broadly applied. They'll be hearing from some Etsyans now, that's for sure, and maybe they'll refine the bill's language to avoid that.

But dang, I was looking forward to this little enterprise of mine...

Friday night, yay!

I didn't realize it had been so long since I posted anything here in Blogger. I've been on Live Journal a lot, though.

Haven't written any fiction in months & months, though I think about last year's NaNoWriMo book every day. I just never get around to writing on it. I'm fractured into seventy different directions - work, house, yard, cats, selling my dear husband's photography equipment at APUG.org (which is a user's group concentrated on film photography - no digital there. Those folks are the absolute BEST. They are so helpful and kind, and I've found new homes for quite a bit of hubby's stuff). It's slow, and there is so much other stuff here I need to divest myself of. And I'm getting ready for another enterprise which, when it is launched, I will try to remember to announce here, and which may serve as a little bit of extra income and an outlet for some creative and scavenging instincts I've got. Oh, let's say "recycling" instead of "scavenging."

Anyway, I'm disorganized and frustrated with all this extra stuff around here and how slowly I'm getting rid of it - I got plans, oh boy do I have plans - but I vascillate between beating myself up for being so slow and disorganized, and telling myself, well, Terry, you dummy, you have to live life today, too, you can't just keep pounding yourself over the head with this idea that SOMEDAY when all the extra stuff has been gotten rid of, THEN you can live life. It's a habit of thinking that's plagued me all my adult life. This vascillation is no doubtr at least partly responsible for my disorganization. Talk about a vicious cycle.

OK, I've made a new post. It's not very interesting, I'm afraid - except OH YEAH I'M A GRANDMA!!! The baby arrived exactly on her due date, and I got to go out and spend a week with her and her folks when she was just 9 -15 days old, and I guess I'm not going to top that for excitingness so I'll close this now.