Sunday, October 21, 2012

It's really Autumn

What with the wacky weather we've had this fall, I was able to deny it longer than usual. But, now the nights are cold enough that I've turned on the furnace, and my going-to-sleep thoughts have been on where I stashed the leftover interior window-sealing plastic (drat it, I don't have enough so I'll have to go to the hardware store), and today shortly before noon I looked out the back window and saw this:

and if that's not Autumn light, nothing is. It drew me outside with my camera. 

My neighbor's garage, I hope he never "smartens" it up

My happy Buddha in his Clematis arbor

My brush pile in the back corner, home to garter snakes, rabbits, squirrels and birds. And, it appears, poison ivy, but that's all over the yard.

And I put together a squash-apple bake yesterday; chunks of tart apples and butternut squash baked with walnuts, raisins, and a drizzle of maple (flavored) syrup. 

I changed my bathroom theme from Paris to Autumn.

And I (foolishly, no doubt) got all enthused about knitting myself a sweater so I found a free downloadable pattern on Ravelry, and ordered the wool to knit it.

Something that's been bugging me for, oh, over a year, was that the new doors I put on my back yard shed had a gap between them, and suddenly today I found myself out there with my cordless drill, a trio of mismatched screws, a strip of board, my skinny little manual band saw (if that's what it is), and a pitiful assortment of clamps, most of which didn't fit the project. However, in an hour, I had the gap closed and a nice job of it I did, if I do say so myself. Felt like freaking Wonder Woman, I did, and came inside to brag about it in my journal and as I wrote the date, I remembered. 

It took me until 5:15 pm to remember that six years ago tonight my husband died in my arms.

Going to Paris in 2007 was my attempt to put something so spectacularly great in October that it wouldn't be a miserable month for me forever after.  Going last week was just because I love Paris so much, but it seems my strategy of using Paris to re-color October has worked. Since I returned last Saturday, all my time has been taken up with talking about, thinking about, writing about, and messing with my photos of, Paris, or dealing with the crappy head cold I got Monday, or doing housework, or sleeping. Until 5:15 this evening, I didn't remember October 21, 2006. 

That's a good thing. His absence is a daily ache, a constant hole in my heart. I don't need to ruin our favorite month of the year with additional pain. 

I've changed my mind. I *am* going to buy candy and go get as many second-hand kids' spooky books to hand out on Hallowe'en as I can find and afford. I am going to do a little fall decorating. I love Autumn.

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