Time to get real

I've been putting up with this trigger-finger for months and months. I don't even know what "triggered" it but it was last spring, before the cancer diagnosis, and after *that* of course everything got shoved to the back burner. But it's over now and this damned finger is getting in my way.

It's become impossible to knit two days in a row. Last night my hand was so sore it kept waking me up. So I'm calling a hiatus on my knitting (ghods, how I hate that!) for 6 weeks. I'm going to get, or make, a proper splint to keep it from bending where it shouldn't, and I"m going to follow a course of gentle stretches but otherwise try to let it rest totally. That will, of course, be impossible, but with a splint on I'll have a reminder when I start doing something stupid.

I really would like to avoid having to have a cortisone injection into the tendon sheath at the base of my finger. Nothing about that sounds like fun, plus it isn't always effective, and then surgery is called for, and if I want to avoid the needle I COSMICALLY want to avoid surgery. Had enough of that for a good long while, thank you very much.

So all that's left, for now, is for me to get real and stop using that finger as much as possible. Oh, I'll be able to cuddle and pet my yarn stash and call it George. I'll even be able to wind it into balls, the newer skeins. I love doing that, it's very meditative. And it'll give me lots of time to pore over patterns and match them with the yarn I've got.

So, no more knitting blog posts for awhile. The sock and the hat will have to wait to get finished. It's my hand that needs "knitting" now.

Thursday miscellany

I didn't realize I'd skipped posting since Monday. Well, Miscellaneous Thursday is miscellaneous.

Finally made it back to the YMCA Livestrong class this morning. This cold has been riding me something fierce, which has been very frustrating since ... well ... to back up: When I left the class October 29, I fully intended never to return. Let's just say that I did not react well to one part of the class that day. Flashbacks from high school gym class had hit me like a bomb and I did not respond like a mature, rational adult. It was really good that I had so long before my next scheduled attendance because it gave me time to cool off and reflect and realize it was ALL about my own attitude, and that I really do need this class and what it's teaching me. I mean, seriously NEED it, if I have any hope of living into my "golden years" as an independent person. And my negative reaction was NOT the fault of anyone but ME. (I did get straight with the class teacher today. She's good people and forgave me.) So I basically not only rededicated myself, but strengthened my resolve to go at the class whole-heartedly and with a good attitude. Then I got home and the cold descended, and it's been very frustrating not being able to get back there. But, now I have, so Yay.

I've been knitting mightily on the November Self-Imposed Sock Club sock:

It's ready for the heel flap, yay! Going to try a slightly different heel flap pattern just to stretch my skilz a little bit. I don't think I'll finish the pair by November 30th,  heh, no lie, I'm not quite halfway done with the first sock of the pair. I can't go any faster because my hands won't tolerate more. I've arrived at a good compromise: I knit ten rows on a sock, then switch and do three rounds on the hat, which is bigger yarn and bigger needles and doesn't hurt my hands as much. 

I think the Sphinx Hat is going to be striking:

There is no yarn thread showing because I'm cutting each color (leaving about 8 inches) as its triple round is done. I thought tying them together neatly inside, with a little bit of give, would end up working better than my trying to carry them all in a bundle all the way to the top of the hat. Have to think about it. I don't know if weaving the ends in would be as permanent as tying them together. There's lots of time to figure it out. I've just done 12 rows of the 18 in the pattern, and the pattern is repeated two more times before the crown is to be finished in the tan color. Lotsa time!

As regards the news of the world, well, watching the horrific events in Paris has done nothing for my mood, of course. But what's worse is the absolutely despicable reaction of yahoos here - Nebraska's governor included OF COURSE - turning their backs on the most desperate people on the planet and acting like that is a good thing. I thought once we'd got rid of Dubya I could hold up my head as an American again. Unfortunately the rot seems to have spread all up and down the political hierarchy and there are sociopathic assholes everywhere in government, much worse than ever before in my lifetime (oh wait, then there was the Nixon administration), and plenty of low-information, knuckle-dragging idiots to support them. It's so depressing.

I'm not much one to march or make irate phone calls and I don't plague my friends with political email forwards. All I can do is my tiny bit, sign petitions, email representatives - who here in Nebraska almost without exception ignore people like me totally - and do small things here where I am (I'm going to an open house at the local mosque in December, to which we Omaha Atheists have been invited due to our leaders reaching out to them after the Paris attacks - and subsequent vandalism of the mosque by some of the aforementioned idiots). And to remember to always be grateful for the undeservedly lucky life I've lived, and to try to assist others who haven't had it so good.

Miscellaneous night is miscellaneous

Boy, the Livestrong class this morning really kicked my ass. Then I went and did a whole bunch of driving all over town doing errands. Three and a half hours later I stumbled back into the house, had a sandwich, and proceeded to crash and burn for an hour. I could have slept on but then I would have been wide awake at 2:30 a.m. That's not good.

I think I overdid it on all fronts today. Kind of feeling like crud. Tomorrow's going to be a Pajama Day, I think! Whee! PJs, hot chocolate, and lots and lots of reading!

It's miscellaneous night! It's miscellaneous night!

LOL like this whole week's worth of blog posts hasn't been miscellaneous.

Well, so. Not much to report. More pain & torture at the Y this morning, upper body death machines this time. I  note that I am sleeping *better* these days. Not *longer*, but better. And feeling physically better when I'm up and walking around. These are two things that happen almost instantly once I start exercising. Like, within 24 hours.

I ascribe many wonderful things to regular, effort-full exercise:

better sleep
better feeling in my body in general
better posture
more energy
more stamina
more flexibility

and now we get to the stuff that can actually be measured:

better cardiovascular health numbers
better cholesterol and blood glucose levels

I mean, right there is a list that makes exercise seem the only sane thing a person can do. Right now, my indolent Self is still exerting a strong pull, not wanting me to do it, and so far I have to confess, aside from the first weekend after starting the LiveStrong program, I haven't been exercising between classes. I do believe, though, that if I keep at it and practice Just Do It (I hope that's not trademarked but if it is, ™to you, Nike), eventually it will - as it did in 1994 when I exercised daily for five solid months - become something I actually look forward to.  It's an upward spiral, really. The fitter I feel, the more I feel like exercising. Duh.

And there are more benefits:

feeling more competent
feeling more optimistic
feeling more adventurous
feeling more worthy

That last one may seem a bit ... odd? But it's true, though I'm not going to enlarge upon it in public.

Anyway, I ordered some gym socks tonight! I had shoes, and two pairs each of tee shirts and gym shorts, in my cart, but that was way over my budget so I pared it back to what I truly need.

Does anyone know what socks that have no tight elastic or tighter-knit band around the top are called? I LOATHE those bands, they cut off my circulation and are very uncomfortable. But do you think I can find them online? I finally found some of what I was looking for, but at the price I paid I suspect they're pretty cheap. Didn't we used to be able to get socks without that shit around the top? What do you call them? I've tried "gym," "ribbed," "athletic,", "crew" - that's all I can think of. Any suggestions?

Truly miscellaneous

I attended the fourth meeting of our LiveStrong group at the YMCA this morning. First we did 5 minutes on both our favorite and our most-hated cardio machines. My favorite is the sit-down bike. No problemo there. My least-favorite cardio machine is the huge, frightening, body-wrenching "elliptical." I got through the 5 minutes and I am determined to vanquish that monster, but it is NOT fun. After that we went down to the weight room to do a few reps on three lower-body weight machines whose names I cannot remember. I am surprised by the hostility these various machines evoke in my heart. I mean - I like doing the exercises and even though I'm dead tired this evening, and will be tired and sore again tomorrow, I like what the exercise does for my bod but I loathe the machines. Nothing is made for people with short arms or legs, or weak hands. Just getting the settings changed is terrifically difficult with my hands. I've got a trigger finger and the end joints on my index fingers are developing arthritis so I get tiny stabbing needle pains in either of them at random, and I can tell my hands are slowly getting weaker as I get older (note to self: ask the coaches if there are hand exercises!).  And getting into and out of those machines is intimidating. They are HEAVY and immovable and HARD and the human body is no match for them. And I'm clumsy.  -- I know, gripe, gripe, gripe. Well - but aside from my grudge match with the machines, this class is going to be REALLY good for me, I can tell already.

The yellow sock. Harrumph. I was so determined to get 15 rows in last night, I thought then I could finish them today. Well - I finally stopped and tried it on, along with its finished mate - and my gauge is different for this second sock, and I just plowed right on past the row where I should have started decreasing for the toe. If I had checked earlier, I could have been done last night. Once I knew it, I thought, well, I'll decrease NOW and it'll be all right. But I knew deep down, it wouldn't be. It takes too long to decrease. The second sock will be far longer than its mate, and I will NOT be able to stand wearing them like that. So, I have to tink it back and do it right. But going stitch by stitch is incredibly tedious over like, ten rows. But taking it off the needles and ripping it back to the right row is completely hair-raising! Like SCREAM EEK scary, makes you think your tens of thousands of stitches are just going to unravel like wildfire scary. So I thought of how I could control the chaos there. And like most of my ideas, it's probably ludicrous, burdensome and clumsy. But I'm going to give it a go, and I'm going to take pictures and notes as I do, and I might just try my very first Instructable! (That link takes you to their Knitting section.) And I AM going to knit a few more rows on the herringbone stitch socks, my October socks, tonight, just to start the month off right.

Tomorrow and Saturday I prep the house for Game Day. My friends are coming over Sunday and we're going to play Betrayal at House on the Hill. (That link takes you to the TableTop show's video of Wil Wheaton and his friends playing it on YouTube. Much fun!) This will be the first time I've hosted our game day since my surgery - and as of today I'm out from under the surgeon's No Lifting restriction, so for once, I will really LOVE being able to vacuum the floors! (I've got a heavy old 1970s-era upright vacuum cleaner that works great but weighs about 40 pounds. Not a joke getting that puppy around on the flat floor, let alone lugging it up and down stairs! Don't worry, I'll be very, very careful anyway.) I also have a little treat for my friends that is quite in keeping with our Hallowe'en theme...nyah-ah-ah...there might be a picture after the event.

Miscellaneous Night

I’m obviously not getting these posted by 7 pm each night, so I can forget that rule. I’m just happy to get them posted at all.

So I said Thursdays would be “miscellaneous” blog subjects. The main event today was my going to the YMCA to do the individualized baseline assessment for their free, 12-week Live Strong program for cancer survivors. I had no idea when I found this on their web site that Live Strong was originated by Lance Armstrong. The Wikipedia article about the organization states, “Armstrong resigned as chairman of the foundation in October 2012 and from the foundation's board of directors in November 2012.” The scandal didn’t, apparently, taint the organization’s name, and the name changed to Live Strong shortly thereafter. Their fundraising to assist cancer survivors and their families continues, apparently, to be thriving. I am very grateful for that. However it works, this whole thing is free and includes free use of any equipment or facilities in any YMCA in Omaha. That’s pretty danged wonderful, if you ask me.

My classmates vary in where they are in their lives post-diagnosis. There are a couple who are in Stage IV; others like me who have become, by surgery, chemo, radiation, hormones in any combination, free of cancer; and some who are somewhere in-between. Our instructors have had cancer themselves. I admire this bunch so much, and I am really looking forward to getting to know them better in the next few months. They’re tough, and funny, and determined. I can only improve as a human being by emulating them.

In other miscellaneous topics, this is week 14 of the 18-week-long subscription to Wenninghoff Farms’ CSA. Things I have learned: they send us too much food for me to keep up with. So far, only the beets have actually gone bad, but I’ve had to give some cukes and ears of corn away because I just couldn’t handle them (I’ve eaten way more corn on the cob this summer than I have in the past ten years, and I am not fond of cukes in any case). So next year, I’ll pass on the CSA, but this shows me I can get tons of great fresh vegetables there for a rather small amount of money! It works out to $18 a week, which is kind of ridiculously cheap. I got more corn today, and I gave the two cukes to the lady at the YMCA front desk, but there’s a nice big eggplant (love eggplant!), and a couple of big bell peppers. I still haven’t dealt with last week’s entirely, so more will be going into the freezer. At some point, I need to do a thorough freezer inventory, because I’m pretty sure I shouldn’t need to buy any frozen vegetables now until next spring at the earliest!

I found out from the Live Strong coordinator that my surgeon in her Physician’s Release form stated that the restriction against my lifting any more than 10 pounds will be lifted October 1, NOT the 13th as I had assumed (she said “90 days” to me, and I just assumed she meant it literally, 90 days after my July 13 surgery). This is EXCELLENT news as it has really been bugging me to feel 100% healed but unable to vacuum the floors (especially!) or do yard work. One more week! Yay!

And, for one more miscellaneous item, I found this somewhere online and thought it pretty funny. Maybe you will, too: